Autobiography of a tomboy

Its been a while, quite a while, I guess around 2 years since graduation. Ahh the pics.. I just love them. Doesn’t look like me naa…

Ahh well but it is. I miss those days. We were a fun bunch. All of us. I dunno when I turned this way. I was always a dominating person, but not the girlie dominating types. Yeah more like the guys. The one who’d put an arm around you and talk you into things. That’s not conventional girls way is it?

My autograph book from school labeled me a tomboy. Its stuck. I loved the tag. I was one, (I am still?)

It was all always “apan log” and then “ladki log” like they were a different species. A species I despised. Ahh yes I hated them. I hated anything girlie. i hated the restrictions, I hated all those things that tied u upto being a girl. They never seemed right, they don’t seem now either. I couldn’t understand how biological differentiation should lead to social differentiation as well.

You cant force thoughts on someone can you? I mean if I felt more comfortable with guys, than with girls, you couldn’t entirely blame me. The guys with me in school, they never made me feel like a girl. To a certain extent they forgot I was one, I forgot I was one.

It was a never a guy girl thing actually. I couldn’t understand why close friendships had to be restricted to same sex. What was so wrong in putting your hand on someone’s shoulders… as I grew older there more why’s in the list. Why I cant go for night outs, parties, long drives. Why do I have to be back home at 7. Why is it mandatory to have atleast one girl in the list when I am going out…

It was a tough time, fishing for girls, and getting them to vouch for you. Especially when you don’t have rapport them. It was a tough time catching up with the guys. I had to fight for the freedom that came much easily to them.

But I had fun. I had awesome fun. All those casual times at the canteen, the “gado”, the gymkhana, the laughs, the pranks, the shouting, yelling, the bike-rides, the night outs…. That was me

But its different now. The guys have grown up, they have their own lives. I ve tried to fit myself in a girlie disguise… but I still miss it. I mean at the core, m still the tomboy. Sometimes I feel trapped. Between two types of people. Sometimes its hard to discuss things with guys, and then you wish you had some girl for friend.

Someday there shall be a “he”. A specific he who d probably not like his “she” to loaf around with guys. and I’ll miss out on all the reunions or I’d try to be suave and composed cos their “she”s may not like “ us being us”. And I’ll miss them, “all the awesome guys” who made school,college worth every bit of it. May be this is an ode to them… o jus a note of gratitude, o just to tell you all how much m missing you…

One of the guys once said, “the girl with the boy-cut still felt more like you…”

--i just wish I could be that forever……