Psychedelic Slippers

Its five years since graduation. Five long years, since we walked into the real world. I look back with awe at all the years gone by. We start off with dreams, almost everyone does. Just out of college and you are ready to take on the world, or so you think. You are looking for a story, an awesome incredible story that you can write and call your own. There is naïvete in the way we perceive life to be, in the hope, in the promises we hope to keep. There is a longing to be together. The tears are fresh, and so is the pain of separation. We haven’t hardened to those ideas yet. We believe miles are only numbers. We keep in touch. We write love notes on walls and pledge together forever. Slowly that flame withers, and life takes over. Some of us toe the line, get a job, get settled, get married; the others still wander, searching for forever. Then you chance across a photograph, a video, an anecdote, that friend you bump into the café, that autographed t-shirt stashed in a long f...

m bac at home.. aft a well lazy weekend.. m waiting fr tomo. ahh wats special abt tomo? the buddy returns. wil be catchin up wit ma coll frens tomo, umm wats so big abt meetin up? i guess its that familiar at home feelin. i went to colg last week, it was like this totally difft place, may be cos i had been there aft many days, but there was this feelin that it wasn my home any more. not the home it was for like 4 years of engg. i met up my professors. well the talk with my professors was really encouraging. i was no longer afraid to discuss them, may be its more easier to discuss ur past than present, but nevertheless i did. with a hope that may be it will help them help someone else like me. cos i have been luckier to find my way back, someone else might get lost. i wasn scared to talk ne more, i spoke more freely than ever before, there were no worries abt their after thoughts. i guess its the freedom we feel when we dont have to worry abt makin impressions(right or wrong). when u re...

Today I answered ma last paper of engineering. 4 years after I made the first conscious critical decision of ma life, I dunno if m fit to call ma self an engineer. That’s a different issue to talk about. I am a little relieved today, a little relaxed… and its given my brain some time to think unrushed. While comin bac after the paper, I had one of the longest drives home I could ever have( no, o wasn stuck in a traffic jam o netin). Glancing outside, I wondered how many such drives were left, before I bid adieu to ma second home (or was it more like first). Our vivas will be done by 15th o so, n then the only strand tying us back will be results… n for most of us, it will be an almost never to return back journey as we move out of there. When I look back at these four years, words fail me, just as they would for neone who wud attempt to put ” life ” in words. As we move out from all our comfort zones, to the big black world, i question the ability of the educational system I was brou...

Note: this post is nt a result of over studying, i sometimes apply engg to my life. while in the car (after the paper on ma way home) stuff that should have runthrough ma head durin the paper, was runnin after it. so there were these coordinate axes that kept comin to ma head, n conversions frm one reference to another. we all, in our lives have a coordinate system. in most cases we place ourselves at the origin, and then everything else is relative to it. this relativity is perception. jus like how changing the reference point is gonna change a whole lot of things in the problem u r tryin to solve, so is the case with life. as we change our reference, we change our perceptions towards things. we define everything in and around us with respect to this reference (origin). imagine a coordinate system having three orthoganal axes. everything else then, friends, family, work, etc. fall all around the origin. u choose ur place in this reference system. ideally ud b placed at the origin. the...

m suddenly all excited. dun think its abt answerin the paper.. but somethin... n i jus cant study cs of tat.. so m here to cool of my nerves.. m so lookin forward to the new phase infron of me. a month ago i never thot id b this excited abt life ahead. now its jus tat contradictory. my head jus cant stop making plans.. :P

so i finally had this talk with myself today... we sorted out things. some times we drift.. drift away from wat we are supposed to be, supposed to do. as we meet people and let them into our lives, we let them change us in different ways. sometimes they change us too much. there are some people who have a profound impact on our lives, so much tat they actually change the course of it. sometimes its an encounter of a day, a tiny splitting moment, sometimes much more. one of the best and worst thing about human nature is probably gettin hooked to things... so much, they become for a substantial time in our life indispensable (o atleast we think so) so this talk with me, was about these people in my life who are so indispensable to me today, so much of me wud i spend in thoughts of these people that id lost sight of wher i was heading. utterly clueless.. i have been this way for quite some months now. heading without a plan. thought of spendin some time in making one today. "you need...

the third day straight of not studin much... yeah much wud b right.. i take occasional peeks at the book. m bac to dreaming abt things with the book infron of ma eyes. nt overprepared i still feel uncertain abt everythin i know. i don like examsss... i don mind answering, but i jus hate that consciously preparing for them part. why is this educational system(or is it me?) so messed up tat i should need to study for exams.. it should be obvious right.. like the things that i am expected to knw, stuff m supposed to grab over a sem, y do i cram it in like a weeks time(yeah the maximum time i wud possibl spend on studin a sub). cram it in the section of the memory called "volatile", cos exams are over n puff its gone. twas never like this in school... never ever felt this need to study as such.. i stil remember stuff from school.. stuff frm 10 years of school more than i can remember stuff frm 4 years of engg.(referring strictly to academic stuff here) watever.... it cant chang...

its been a long long time... thers like 10 days left fr exams.. m nt surprised at ma unwillingness to sit with books. been out of things to write. while most of ma time on fb, orkut o flipping thru photos. yest i realised i gt somewher ard 7500 photos on ma pc. most of em over the last one year. thanks to the upsurge of digicams floating loosely around. digital storage is cheap. rechargeable batteries n memory cards are a non recurrent expense... so go KHATAK.. (its nt khatak ne more... more like click click...). in these last few days (n even now) everyone is so extra considerate about each other.... n people keep talkin abt coll, n how they gonna miss it.. n how they gonna miss everyone n everythin associated with it.. sometimes wish ppl showed this consideration a bit earlier.. u don get to live anyday twice... everyday is unique, and its ur one n only chance to make good of it. "the way u live it", so y shud u be any different frm wat u hv been all the years thru, jus cos...

GEC is a green campus.. esp in the monsoons. (green in the true sense, engicos wil know wat i mean) n i have a green fren (nt so literally). it started in the monsoons. this green guy running behind butterflies (no he isn a 3 year old). this green guy is a man on a mission. a mission to capture every butterfly in gec. his sole aid was his tiny sony ericsson. you wud find him walking out from the most unexpected places walkin towards u with a triumphant smile. n then there would be times when he would be runnin towards nothingness. Spending hours hovering over flowers, i d wondered if he d turned into one of em, springin in n out of ur vision jus like one of em butterflies. capture them he did. but it din stop there! this green guy wants to secure the habitats of butterflies...give them a brighter tomorrow. butterflies are sensors of a healthy environment. they tel u how GREEN the greens around you are in essence.the more u find them around u, the greener ur avenues. this green guy is v...

"i kept runnin behind something, i thought, was pullin me today i see, wat kept pushing me, was something else " i spend a lot of time lookin behind these days. its last year, n its like a lot is slipping out from between ur fingers. a lot that u want to hold to... a lot u never wanna let go. i have come far from the tomboy i once claimed to be. somewhere given in to what society expects u to be, n the so many people around u. sometimes i feel i m walkin bac though, to my times b4 i turned into a tomboy. i spent the first 2 years of coll life tryin to find a place fr me in a RIGHT group, they were a waste.. i was tryin to break barriers, fit into prototypes, tryin to shape myself n others. i gave it one last try in third year, n i think now i hav succumbed to things. i dunno if its succumbing to circumstances, or jus the desire to be left alone fr sometime. i loved the centerstage once. i lived life there, i loved the attention.now i prefer to stay away. but one thing has rem...

its the 3rd last day of the first month of new year n i havent penned a post... firstly happy new year! its surely been a long time.. no reasons.. i have jus been out of things to write. i have tried to be busy, but most of the time i have been jobless with my to-do list growing longer by the day. just done with "Gone with the wind" (mus hav heard abt the muv).. despite of the book being thick i chose to pick it up right at the end of ma hols... the book centres around "Scarlett O Hara"... the story takes us from her early teens to her 30s. her rapid adaption to changing times, evolving through them, and finally her discovery of herself... i liked the book, but i stil dunno y. there are times when we do things without seeking an opinion from our conscience. hush voices tat keep speakin in our ears guiding us through right n wrong. the reasons are many. we soothe ourselves by sayin the end justifies the means.. we leave so much for tomorrow.. even our conscience. ...

.... this article was in a column in the chicago tribune written by Mary Schmich. got this frm here Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth . Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but known that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that n...

my brains stopped dreaming, it flies stil though. it cant handle being at one place fr long hours..... wish exams werent this dread tat they are! by the end of prep vacs, i hardly remember y i started studin in the first place. i fill my day wit hour long refreshment breaks! (this is one of them.. no marks fr guessing tat). wonder who started this whole examination thing.. reward n penalty crap system! wud we hav not worked, or studied, or pursued things if there were no marks for what we did? like if i wanna read up something, i dont actually bother if m gettin marks for it, people pursue their interests, things tat they like to do wit joy! (unlike me who is presently tryin to search a convinvcing answer fr ma ever-questioning brain) yeah m here by ma choice n al.. bt stil i don want exams! i d read up abt radars if it interested me.. i don need exams fr it.. n id remember tat stuff much better, if i hadn to bother abt scoring!! guess this studin thing is gettin to ma head! i got a ca...

this is what i learned from zurada (one of our neural refernce books): nothing happens in he universe that does not have a sense of either a certain maximum or a minimum. ---- fundamental concept of models of neural systems a cat that once sat on a hot stove will never sit on a hot stove again or on a cold one either--- cat == Single layer perceptron classifier a certain lady claims tat after tasting a cup of tea with milk, she can say which was poured in the cup first... milk or tea. this lady states that even if she sometimes makes mistakes, she is more often right than wrong... lady== multilayer feedforward network (i havent yet figured how!!!) who errs and mends to God himself commends -- why feedback is essential!! the clock upbraids me with a waste of time -- associative memories new opinions are always suspected and usually opposed, without any other reason, but because they are not already common --- the funda behind matching and self-organisation nihul simul inventum est ...

prep vacations began a week ago, but for me they start today. i began ma day with ma usual prep vac routine of clearing the mess on ma table! then sorting out all the notes. i realised some notes were missing, i had misplaced them after the internals, or thrown them in places from wher id probably recover them at the end of engg. i have already lost ma syllabus copy, n thats jus an excuse for me to keep the pc on (soft copy of syll) this whole process of organisin myself, n a few phone calls in an attempt to locate notes, n sources of notes consumed over half of ma mornin (round about the time i wud take to read 1/4th of a module) i picked up the microwave book, for the sole reason, that its the tiniest book we have. i barely read through 3 pages of it, when i realised i needed to fix the viruses on ma pc, (jus another reason to surf the net). ma net routine begins with chekin ma gmail, followed ba orkut, then the etc community n blog updates (so u kinda get the picture of how long i h...

Long long ago, when the Liliputian army reigned the grassy-lands of Farmagudi..... the foundations of something new were laid in the soils of the plateau.. a plateau notorious for stickin to its traditions!! for the first time the united engicos were divided... friends fought friends, n foes shook hands!!!! War cries echoed in the campus! Spies sneaked outside latched hostel rooms, a word here n another there.. they put together stories frm bits. Each one struggled to juice out their best. There was no alternative to victory!! Winning was all that mattered!! Tandav 2007 (the first intra college cultural festival in GEC)... truly justified aggression!! a dayful of events, of busy feet, of raised voices, of exaggerated emotion! Though only one emerged victorious in the battle, the crux of the event was preserved! Tandav 2007 was a festival... with due importance to all its competition.. it's aim was enjoyment!! a year later.... the plateau shook again with war cries!!! all...

i hav never acknowledged a relationship as a mistake before.. they say ther's alwes a first time. guess this is it. my mistake has a name..****** it doesn take much to break ppl away frm u. it doesn take much to trust someone, it doesn take much to brk that trust either.. bt ma mistake is nt abt trust, n breaking of trust.. or smtin like tat. its jus simply a mistake. may be mistaken thinking. they say opposites attract. if they are people, i'd rather they wudnt. can two dissimilar people actually have a sensible relationship? my experience was nt in favour of it a fren of mine said to me once.. u knw a relationship is dyin when it becomes more an effort than a relationship. n i spent i guess most of the 3 years (that things lasted betn us) in tryin to keep it alive! no m nt sad abt wat m losing. i held him very precious in ma life, probably cos ppl matter to me a lot.The moments we spent were some of the best i cud ever have. but then we are difft ppl. we cant sustain each oth...

i belong. . on top of a hillock called farmagudi,amidst the greens lie some 20 odd structures, n more in the making around these. u climb up the hill (u cud as well take a pilot or a taxi, or jus hitch a lift, whichever suits u) , till u reach the gate. The first thing u'd see is a tiny red black structure.. wat we call NESCAFE... its this place wher u'l alwes find ppl (and at night the cows reign, which is evident frm the cakes they leav in abundance). when it was set up, it was alwes an excuse for coffee. but now, (with rising inflation), ppl jus hang around ther, in the hope of finding more company. its a nice place to see people come n go. (which, in my primary years in gec, wud b done at the gado or the parking lot).. i am a regular at the nescafe esp in the evenings. when ur bugged aft pracs, its this one last spot, wher we all sit to crap about things. i wasnt in a mood of crapping today, so for a change, i stood apart, a spectator to the kind of conversations i am usual...

My net connection has becme whimsical offlate, so don b surprised by bursts of posts on the blog. This hols are givin me lots o time to unmess n also to read... so I hav been reading a lot these days. Not ma conventional reads, I jus end up readin netin that I can lay my eyes on. In the TOI edition of satday 21 st june. I came across this article by andrew sullivan... about how technology changes the way we think. He shared an incident about Friedrich Nietzsche Friedrich Nietzsche useda typewriter. Many of those terse aphorisms and impenetrable reveries were banged out on an 1882 Maling Hansen Writing Ball. And a friend of his at the time noticed a change in the German Philospohers style as soon as he moved from longhand to type.Perhaps you will through this instrument even take to a a new idiom. The friend wrote. Nietzsche replied: You are right. Our writing equipment takes part in the forming of our thoughts. For more read have we all surrendered to the internet?

this is ma time to sleep... yea ryt 8 o clock. i get into a weird schedule during exam days. the clock that runs ma normal days gets dumped. that apart... 4 of 6 done... 2 more to go. m i glad..n how can i forget those ominous viva's!!! jus tryin to take a break frm it all ( n thankfully my net connection is nt letting me down) ... so all this recent talks ard abt blogging screen stars, made me take a peek at amir khans blog its an elegant piece of work.. its jus plain feed for his fans! i gues they jus live on it!!!!!! --- a first hand report on his movies, releases, fall downs n get backs--- his life! notorious as one of the stars who kept a pretty low personal profile.. y is he out into the open now.. blogging, speaking out! thats none of my business though.... ciao.. m kinda sleepy now! still to get over the miserable paper