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one mistake of ma life

i hav never acknowledged a relationship as a mistake before.. they say ther's alwes a first time. guess this is it.

my mistake has a name..******

it doesn take much to break ppl away frm u. it doesn take much to trust someone, it doesn take much to brk that trust either..

bt ma mistake is nt abt trust, n breaking of trust.. or smtin like tat. its jus simply a mistake. may be mistaken thinking.
they say opposites attract. if they are people, i'd rather they wudnt. can two dissimilar people actually have a sensible relationship? my experience was nt in favour of it

a fren of mine said to me once.. u knw a relationship is dyin when it becomes more an effort than a relationship. n i spent i guess most of the 3 years (that things lasted betn us) in tryin to keep it alive!

no m nt sad abt wat m losing. i held him very precious in ma life, probably cos ppl matter to me a lot.The moments we spent were some of the best i cud ever have. but then we are difft ppl. we cant sustain each others interests for long.. cos there's nothing in common tat can sustain both of us.

the relationship was like a candle flame.. constantly flickering. sometimes ther.. n sometimes not! i dunno why i held on to it for so long.

we both thought tat there cud b things betn us( i thot atleast fr sure, n he did when he told me he thot so too).. but there cant.

u cant tie up 2 winds blowing in opposite directions, life is like tat!

it would probably hurt if there had to be accusations here.. but its not hurting. like we grow out of clothes with age, we grow out of emotions.

i was waiting fr him to realise tat things cant work out..i dunno if he has

everything has evaporated, everything tat was... everything tat i(we?) hoped wud b

i believed him in all the times he lied.
i believed his reasons even when they were void of common sense.
i let him play wit ma lyf, as if it were a toy.
i dunno y i did it.

i dunno so many things

i dunno y i still turn ard to look at him when he passes by.
i dunno y i still hope his number wud ring on ma cell at this moment
i dunno y things have changed now...
i dunno if wat was, was an illusion or the truth.

but i never knew why i loved him, or y i thot i did either!
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Comments

Anonymous said…
I don't think anything that matters (mattered?) so much should be called a mistake...
I have a "mistake" of my own too. I guess almost everyone I know does, but I am more comfortable calling it an experience
September 27, 2008 at 6:59 PM
nishi said…
mistake is a well-chosen word ma fren! when u get a problem wrong in maths u don call it an experience u call it a mistake..bt its an experience of gettin smtin wrong!
September 27, 2008 at 8:09 PM
Anonymous said…
somtimes v keep searchin for answrs...n som whys don hav answer..u remember u told me therz a reason for everythin..now u dont hav any reasons..its easy to tel odrs but difficult to accept tht u don hav an answer..i hav many equations unsolved in ma lif..i was almost into tears whil readin ur blog..God is so unfare..
September 27, 2008 at 9:44 PM
nishi said…
@geeta

m sorry if ma post has made ppl feel somehow biased towards me ... i dont intend to bias opinions nor make ppl cry wit it.. (cos i dint while writin)
i jus admiited its a mistake! n tat has been the greatest relief! i hav unburdened maself n him of smtin tat we carried along witout ponderin over y!

i think i had told u b4 tat i do things tat make me feel happy! i believed in him cos it was easier to believe than disbelieve. it kept me happy.. even if wat i lived in was mostly my opinion of wat things are..kind of a bubble or ma reality!
i realise its a mistake to b tat way.
September 27, 2008 at 9:56 PM
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