Psychedelic Slippers

well this time, this had to be the last post. Resolutions.... 1)wake up early... i have been grappling with "arising" problems since winters, and since my classes dont start before 11, i think i need to pump in some serious motivation to wake up early. 2)Communicate... since Kanpur, i ve let go of a lot of good habits that i'd maintained in Pune. Being in touch was one of them. The people i'm regularly updated about has dropped to an alarming level. So apologies to all you guys who i haven't been in touch with, n hoping the new year will change that... (pucca) 3)Spend less time on phone... umm not much comments on that, but yeah that's something i resolve to honestly give a shot. and to keep both (2) and (3) may require resorting to older forms of communication, but well that's that then.... back to pen-friends, n e-mails.... 4)Diary... that tiny little book that helped me focus... i've lost the habit, so reviving that... 5)Exercise... i've bcum su

just back from a long break back home. well yeah looong if you could call 20 days that. i was hoping for a well-planned holiday, cos well i had a plan in my head, but then as every plan, it dint work that day. each day was on its own till i reached the last 2 days, n i had to cram lots o ppl into it. yeah in Goa my days are counted by the people i meet on tat day. i d hoped for a long loafing sessions wit friends, din happen. partly cos loafing like in col times will probably never happen again, and so much time is spent catching up that there's hardly time fr anything else. yeah we managed a small trip to terekhol though. (Terekhol is a fort on the Goa-maharashtra border that is now converted to a resort, and where we had one of the most expensive lunches ever) i spent more time home this hols, partly cos there wasnt anyone around, and partly cos i just wanted to be home. My trip to my native place was one of the highlights. i drove all the way till there (my first looooong drive)

it flutters, it struggles, it dies ....dust!!! m not a butterfly. . . my "hope" is "don't kill me"---a plea

Its been a while, quite a while, I guess around 2 years since graduation. Ahh the pics.. I just love them. Doesn’t look like me naa… Ahh well but it is. I miss those days. We were a fun bunch. All of us. I dunno when I turned this way. I was always a dominating person, but not the girlie dominating types. Yeah more like the guys. The one who’d put an arm around you and talk you into things. That’s not conventional girls way is it? My autograph book from school labeled me a tomboy. Its stuck. I loved the tag. I was one, (I am still?) It was all always “apan log” and then “ladki log” like they were a different species. A species I despised. Ahh yes I hated them. I hated anything girlie. i hated the restrictions, I hated all those things that tied u upto being a girl. They never seemed right, they don’t seem now either. I couldn’t understand how biological differentiation should lead to social differentiation as well. You cant force thoughts on someone can you? I mean if I felt mo

someone shared this link on twitter... http://www.aaronpeng.org/?p=1876 speech by Adrian Tan at NTU convocation ceremony some excerpts " Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust." " The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence." " It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions.

(what's said hardly matters) casual, unspecific everyday chit chat has an amazing healing power, a power over all the deep cuts by sharp words... remembrance is sometimes a curse... words long ago come back to pierce u, as broken promises, as afterthoughts, as moments wasted... i am blessed to forget. backtracking..... embracing silence again

after almost planning the end.... m back here... i dont think wetfootprints (o psychedelic slippers) shall ever pause (a complete fullstop is a definite no) this blog is just one of the things that makes me... "me", and i come as a full package with all this included.... my blog, my past, my dreams... and a lot more "my"s and to shy away from writing here, would be to be afraid to be myself... remember the first time my mom read my diary... i almost stopped writing after that. i d never let that happen to u dear blog... there may be trickles, there may be floods....but when you walk through them, there shall always be wet footprints.... p.s. a special thanks to all blogdosts who showed concern....

the word i love the most..... i'd kill for it http://wet-footprints.blogspot.com/2007/10/story.html same thoughts....

festive glow Posted via email from pixeljuice's posterous

6:12 pm… a damped soul releases the latch on the door. Flings bag on the bed, the first desire is to fall flat on the bed, but then decides otherwise… A tiny packet of “lamps” is all it takes to release the festive spirit.. 10 tiny lamps… that make me long for the stereotyped diwali conversations… “arey sandhyakal jhaali ajun pantya nahi lavlya” “aaai pantya” “lightingchi maal kadh” “arey ajun jhala nahi kartik? Kevha udya lavnar kay?” “aaj ratrpali vatatay?” Glue, paper, scissors, a sleepless night… 10 tiny lamps…make me smile, cause I am still in sync with whats happening at home.

gearing up for "that time" of the sem again my aids my tools rearranged desk space, rearranging head space

i thought life hardens you, turns out its the other way round..... and there were dreams, and there was fire....and now just glints to experience my first real winter... its already cold inside, outside... dad says dependence on anything is not good. unrelated. -- a foetal recoil in a corner of the bed ; my blanket<-->my mom, my teddy<--> my confidante.... i have no issues with "love" as such just the limiting it to the scope of a "relationship", weighing it down with "expectations" *** on a brighter note... some people remind you why you are what you are.. after many days my words felt right, real, authentic. aft many days, talking felt like an unobstructed flow of thoughts. bubbled... saying thanks is sometimes, not the apt way to express your gratitude

Our college cultural fest is going on, " Antaragni ". Yesterday was opening night. Pro-nite was a play titled “Love letters” by A. R. Gurney, performed by Rajit Kapur n Shernaz Patel. Loved the play. The performance was just awesome! It sketches the life of 2 people over a span of some 50 years (or something), through letters that they write to each other. There’s hardly much beyond 2 people reading letters at 2 ends of the stage, but the actors put so much life into the characters, tat for the hour n half that the play lasted I was completely lost in it. Parts of it took me back to my own tryst with letters. Ahh!! The days when penning it all out was much easier than talking. When I would jump at the sight of the postman. I had a bunch of pen friends then. I just loved it. Writing long letters, n then posting them, n then waiting for a letter in return. Constructing a whole you for someone else was a task. I dunno how far I managed. Slowly the letters dwindled. Now the

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'" - Jack Kerouac

memories are always triggered. like volcanoes... n then they erupt a lava of emotions. i d call them old feelings... i d tell me get over it, i d say all those things if it was any other day.... missing spiffer, missing buddy..... m scribbling with invisible ink over ma blank wishlist

on 10th october, i stepped on homeland after like 2 months... looking back it doesn feel all tat long. (except for the one time when i booked my tickets when i was really dying to get back home). my home trip turned out nothing like i expected it to be. when i stepped in the car outside the airport, i d expected myself to burst into a chatter, o atleast be bombarded by a series of questions. neither of which happened. we drove home jus like usual. i was greeted home by lots o ppl, who were like just waiting fr me to step in so they cud move out. daaa.... freshened up n i was out on the sofa. i had surprisingly even fewer things to say. made me wonder at my inability to talk. is it tat words feel more futile, o thoughts jus cant find words, o m i too lazy to jus take the effort to voice it out. hmmm nt pretty sure. wonder wher the verbose me went. my normally cuddle hater cousin, din mind me cuddling him for 10 minutes the day we met. the dinner was the best part... fish curry rice... m

how can someone else be a parameter that decides how contented u are with ur life? i wonder who put the notion in people's head that life is all about living for others, love is giving and such analogous bull shit. makes me feel sick. thoughts similar to these. i don't live for anyone, i live for me. i dont do things so that someone else should feel nice abt it, i do them cos i feel so. none of my actions spring from a thought that this is for someone else.... and if someone claims doing so is possible he s probably fooling himself. why do people try to fight things that are impossible to fight? "reality", "facts" for example...nostalgia is one thing, but wanting to walk back in time is quite another. and then the other extreme, where everything is "for the future".. there's jus no present. how can u claim to live when ur thoughts refuse to accept "today". (time travel is stil fiction) how can anything that compels u to reverse the te

after months of sitting with it (2 months to be precise) i finally turned the last page of the book, early last night. makes me love ayn rand al the more. ul love the book, if u love ayn rand o if u live by what she preaches (not necessarily in an extreme manner) o if u love a good read. tho the book loses pace for a couple of chapters in book one. Every bit of it is worth. as u discover who is john galt, u begin another quest for the john galt within you (around you) and then u fall in love with the person that he is. i wouldn write much here, jus grab a copy. its nt jus worth a read, its worth rereading special thanks to spiffer for giving me this book, and bringing me to the world of ayn rand! p.s.: wish i cd tag guys in blogposts too... shreyas simu strongly recommend you to read the same!

It feels like spring again. i can see roses around me, and tulips and anemones.. hope sputters out of cracks of despair, like peepal in cracked walls. its clear again-- visions, dreams,directions. ...... . flickering yellows make u smile. (butterflies)

O sweet spontaneous earth how often have the doting fingers of prurient philosophies pinched and poked thee has the naughty thumb of science prodded thy beauty how often have religions taken thee upon their scraggy knees squeezing and buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive gods but true to the incomparable couch of death thy rhythmic lover thou answerest them only with spring --e e cummings

....the keyboard's still tapping (the ink still flows)

Trade-offs. used this term a couple o times couple o places. Dint think i d b using it in lifE as such. There's always a trade-off , between what's in your hand at right now, and what u wanna hold. Between what u can do, and what u wanna do. Between ur heart and ur head. Should there be? if we are a single entity, should what we feel be different from what we live? shouldn't life be bound by one philosophy, a single thought that runs through you, and reflects in everything that you do? Should there be a trade-off between being happy and making someone happy? Shouldn't it be the same? i can't understand compromises. I cant understand giving up something for something else. There cant be something less and something more... its either something o nothing. i cant understand why we sometimes fake ourselves. or we drift to believe that we are something else. why is inactivity so elusive? What can be achieved from endless conversations tat lead nowhere, head nowhere? Why

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. She woke up a little dizzy, raised herself to sit on the bed. Her legs felt shaky. Long night...she thought. She glanced at her watch on the bedside table, a diametric line connecting 6 n 12. "too early!" Her clothes were strewn over the floor; her white top served a door mat,while jeans marked a midway, a brassiere hung limply from the corner of the bed; like charting a progression, on the ruffled bed sheet she saw spots of red.... she closed her eyes tight shut. She tried to think...thoughts evaded her. She felt blank... drained. Thirsty... she walked towards the study table to reach the bottle. Every step felt an effort. 2 gulps... a naked image in the mirror across the room stared back at her. She ran her hand through her hair in partial disbelief, a few strands fell on her neck, her breasts, her feet.... she brushed them aside softly... it hurt, just touching herse

m well a month old here now. almost gotten myself into a routine here, though try hard to avoid that. weeks are full of lots o work to do. there's alwes an assignment o a quiz round the corner, n weekends sometimes crawl and sumtimes fly off. Time s flying overall... n i think it won b long b4 its december. Got a bunchful of gals out here that make up my so called comfort zone. times with them are full of loads o laughter. i'd never thought i d ever get along with gals this well. Our class is all but ten ppl, n m gettin to know some of them only now. Esp after our dept provided us with a readin room. Thankfully i m nt so sleepy as the first 2 weeks here. The other day we went shoe shopping, ended up with much more than shoes... Shopping always cheers me up. It had been a LOOOOOng week n shopping was just wat i needed. we went to the city in a rick, n then into a mall, shoe shopping, then went further to another mall in search of a lappy shop. but there was none. decided jus to

well into my third week here now. classes have a slow pace, still m struggling to find time for myself. just don realise how time passes... looks like the two years are gonna pass faster then i d imagined. between phone calls, friends n classes i scrape in some time to read. Reading Atlas Shrugged at the moment (courtesy Spiffer). i go into blank states when i look at my blog. i d expected to have more stuff to write once my life starts bustling with activity again, but.... we had a hostel freshers nite las weekend. overnight preparations, all the rush, was funn.. reminded me so much of col days n my col mates... there was live music after the cultural events got over so we danced into the night.(till some people residing in the quarters opposite our hostel requested us to cut the volume).. it was almost 12 by then. a bunch of us went cycling around wishing everyone Happy Friendship day, croaking Dosti songs at the top of our voices.Exhausted after a looong timer photosession i crashe

m finally here!!! after a day of sleepy travel i reached IITK around 6 p.m. on 17th. i was travelling with my dad. i was super excited. everything was new(to me). we reached the hostel building after a couple of detours. a friendly girl at the help desk gave me my room keys. (like my first official hostel room :P) we checked up the room n then went to get all the other stuff. IITk is a self sufficient campus. Its probably made so knowing fully well how miserable the city outside is. I have been here for like 4 days now, n i haven't stepped out of the college gate. The Shopping Complex (aka ShopC) caters to most of your needs from a toothbrush to a bicycle (yeah cycles are aplenty here... u cant think of moving around in the campus without it...) We returned back to the hotel after dumping stuff in my room. It was round abt 1o.30 when we had the first sensible meal of the day. crashed into bed and voila instant sleep. next day we reached here around 10... back to shopC again. bought

This has been well running for a year now.... My last year home, last month.... now it comes to last 10 days. one unplanned epoch gives way to another. i prefer life tat way.... unplanned, like getting lost on a long empty road with no destination. (ahh well if u dont knw the joy of gettin lost, u mus try some day, get down at some place n walk of in some random direction, to god knows wher!) there's this joy of the "something new"that lies ahead... i dunno where its all gonna end, i dont have a destination, i dont think about it... may be that s y this journey feels so AWESOME!

i finally took a long break from being bored. Ten days (well almost). i went to my native place, after like 6 months. it was after years tat i was staying for so long. i never stayed for more than 2-3 days at a stretch since i joined engineering and never spent time at such a leisurely pace. caught up with friends n family. spent lots o time with ma grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. many things have changed, since my last long break there, but i was still a kid to everyone. i sat alone on the tiny steps in the kitchen, tat would once fit in all three of us(me, ma bro n cousin). the corridor between the hall n kitchen tat once seemed long, now got over in 2 steps. summer vacations in belgaum(my native place) would be most awaited. me, bro n cousin the eternal mates would wait impatiently for 2 months of fun. there wasn much of tv then, no pc so we d spend the whole day jumping around the house n coming up with new games. summer vacations had a tradition of an orchestra (tryin to chu

i got my four wheeler license around 3 years back. But i wonder why i kept myself away from the wheel till around 2 months back. I had this road-fright. i always thought that every vehicle on the road was for the sole purpose of me colliding into it. having this cartoonist imagination, i always thought i would go flying out of the window when i hit the brake. so i would avoid using them. The car would inevitably stop when the speed dropped below 20. I hated to change gears. I thought the car would slide out of control if i pressed the clutch. and such were the hurdles that kept me away from the car all these days. well it began some time after my gate paper. i had nothing much to do at home, so i d call the driver in the afternoons, to practice driving. n then aft many many days, i can now claim that i can finally communicate with my car. its my new found high-- driving . u sit on the wheel, buckle up, breathe in, jus as u turn on the ignition, and then gear, n vroooommm... u can fee

Last week been a long hectic week for me! i had all these interviews queued up n been travelling north-south. It began on 11th, i left fr mum in the afternoon. Me n dad. air travel all through, i guess ul already know my opinions about it. Got a window seat. Average indian still feels enthu abt window seats, immaterial what mode of transport. Air travel is now like any other mode of travel, indianised in every sense, airports have the same ruckus as a train platform, people huddle up around seats on flight to chat up, n manage to play cards across rows. some of them even bend over their neighbours to peep through the window, whiel the usual passengers while their time in magazines, novels o music.Its amusing to note that people travelling in bus, train etc display a much better dressing sense than those flyin by air. A large chunk of people are dressed like they are confused if they going to a disc or carnival. and some have this idea that if u are travelling to o from goa its a must t

With the blanket of darkness spread over the sky As night walks time into valleys of mystic silence I feel you my love, standing guard The Last Prince of the Kingdom of Dark I read your words, in the blinking of stars your voice with the wind, that swooshes past me As i stand uncovered at the gates of your fortress an eternal wait, night after night contd... Posted via email from pixeljuice's posterous

after many days i open my treasure drawer today. there was lots of old stuff. i dinno i was still holding so much of stuff, even after i d cleaned my drawer like a year o more ago. more amazing was i cud still remember most of the things. i have stuff like movie tickets, wrappers. i was totally into buying gifts fr myself. and all tiny tiny memoirs of times like. :) pages from my tuition book, tags of clothes, wrappers, letters, cards, paper cuttings. i think it was the first time i ever showed them to anyone. there's nothing worth hiding in them, and i think for anyone else it will just be junk. but i still love holding on to those things. You look at something, and then travel back down memory lane, and drift into the memory-vortex :D i love getting lost, and when its not always possible to get physically lost , i find solace in these escapades back in time. its nice when you have someone around with whom you can travel to almost anywhere; to some random isolated church on a hi

what if today is all that there is!! more like an infinite loop of "today's." what if today goes on forever and there is no tomorrow. no u, me --> us... :( "when we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. I saw this happen today, just as the sun went down.And yet if something goes wrong, there's nothing left. No herons, no distant music, not even the taste of his lips. How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly?" -- Eleven Minutes, Paulo coelho

last week been totally busy... ma roomie frm pune had come down. so been roaming around for like a week. day one was north goa -- panjim , anjuna .. etc.began with dona paula , then kala academy , panjim church, lunch at aunty maria, my first visit to the flea market. shopped like an idiot, then went to aguada .. click click. day two went kart racing, then colva , jet ski, then ccd , coffee n craziness... day 3 was in coll, n then old goa n monte , day 4 -- jus in n ard vasco -- japanese garden, three kings. all awesome times. was like being back in pune ! all crazy shit talk, swinging, bitching, laughing, more like rolling on floor. sittin up late nights ( nt smtin new). twas funn ... got lots of time on the wheel. driving is addictive. u want more n more of it! day b4 morning, she went back,dropped her to panjim . the bridge was closed, so had to go all the way via ponda ! :P rest of the day was spent wit friends ! caught up wit a friend after some 5 long years. end of

i am still 17 and you a nascent dream like unicorns, n toothfairies n wishing wells.. you walk past me ignorant, unaware, free oblivious tat i am, with greedy eyes a longing heart tat burns me through n through i could eat u whole o u could kill me if u knew i can dream dreams that can never be and live in you, like nothings changed--nothing will!! ...cos i am still 17 like when we met and "it" still skips a beat when i see you

An exam took me to Bengaluru ( Blore henceforth) over the weekend. i had my first solitary air travel. i love travelling, though i would have preferred travelling by train o bus, but air travel it was. somehow travelling by train o bus, feels more like real travelling. :D i love to see the gradually changing landscapes, as one merges into another, and you move through it. when you see all this from amidst the clouds, it all looks like part of a dollhouse.. n then soon everything is clouded (like literally) so my Blore trip wasn't much of travel, it was like a quick business trip. a car to pick me up n transport around . though i would have enjoyed the occasional hunting around for a taxi n directions. i reached the guest house at around 4.30. Long roads, nothing picturesque as such, though from the plane i noted a lot of palm plantations, the road showed nothing of it. for some time i tried to see which way the car was heading, note landmarks n stuff, but soon it all f

how do u feel searching for something believing you lost it, while it was never there in the first place! for the last 2 days i ve been in a miserable state, cos i believed i had lost a vital document. it all began 2 days ago, on a sweaty summer afternoon, post lunch,as i was lazing on the sofa. Dad: so have u filled all your forms Me: in progress, i need to xerox n send documents Dad: ok, when u gonna do tat Me: tomorrow. then i begin collecting my documents. marksheets--> check birth certificate--> check score card--> (3--2--1)...... untraceable the next 3 hours were spent in turning the house upside down, searched like every nook n cranny, every book, even newspapers n dustbin... it just wasnt anywhere. i could tell you the exact place i last saw it, over a week ago, n now it just wasnt there. Mom searching, me searching 3 hours-- nothing!!! by the end of it i was totally demoralised and had lost hope on ever finding it. post-tea... dad: any luck? me: NO. i just cant find i

i can laugh at it all, strings, loops, conditions... the 22 years.. of do's n whiles if, if only, or if , if not if then, and if, for if, if else arrayed<--> disarrayed, the 22 years.. unformatted, erred, corrected, cleared lost-->found-->revived the attempts,the recoveries the 22 years.. bad files, corrupt sectors, lost strings failed reads n writes, failed saves... i can laugh at it all cos it was worth it the 22 years.. of everything, and not everything as time raises the curtain over ME 22.0

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back . I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence:

i have got so used to rambling on fb n twitter, that rambling out here has become very rare!! m in such a foul mood right now! like i can explode on the next person i come across... can feel the mercury in my head rising ... its just upto the rim. counting works, only til it drops a lil , n then i wonder why m counting so slow.... its like move, move, move... move to something fun, something better, something tat doesn't make me wanna convince u how miserable a soul on planet earth u are! i was ok a minute ago... a minute n a half ago. 2 minutes ago, n now m all ticked off!! like totally pissed with nothing that's something right now!!! uggghh !!! n the phone rings

aft a long time.. beach walk in the evening. twas really a long walk! alone though, with ma 2 fav companions, ma ipod n ma cam! a few clicks of the evening

Was thinking of editing my fb profile, the relationships drop down menu provides an option for the confused souls "its complicated".... Its a phrase we hear all too often these days... it could mean one of many things, of course depending on context. I think those are the most convenient 2 words to cover up a lot of what u don't wanna say straight on the face Its just another way of saying save me the trouble of explaining it! and anyway why should we. I don't get this whole idea of trying to define scopes and limitations of relationships or for that matter the course of most of the things... or life in general! You do something if you want to, don't do it if u don't want to, where is there any scope for saying "i should" or "shouldn't" be doing something; and what holds you from doing or not doing something . We all love drawing lines, but wouldn't it be more appropriate that you see the space you require n then dra