my brains stopped dreaming, it flies stil though.
it cant handle being at one place fr long hours.....
wish exams werent this dread tat they are! by the end of prep vacs, i hardly remember y i started studin in the first place.
i fill my day wit hour long refreshment breaks! (this is one of them.. no marks fr guessing tat). wonder who started this whole examination thing.. reward n penalty crap system! wud we hav not worked, or studied, or pursued things if there were no marks for what we did?
like if i wanna read up something, i dont actually bother if m gettin marks for it, people pursue their interests, things tat they like to do wit joy! (unlike me who is presently tryin to search a convinvcing answer fr ma ever-questioning brain)
yeah m here by ma choice n al.. bt stil i don want exams! i d read up abt radars if it interested me.. i don need exams fr it.. n id remember tat stuff much better, if i hadn to bother abt scoring!!
guess this studin thing is gettin to ma head!
i got a cal yesterday from one of ma dearest frens... she left fr NZ (FOREVER). i was shocked, choked, angry, sad, worried all at the same time!
the conversation went this way..
Nav: heylo, may i speak to nishi?
me: yes who is this?
( i din recognise the number, nor the voice)
Nav: i jus wanted to confirm if this is nishi's number!
me: ok but who is this?
Nav: guess?
me: (i stare at the radar notes infron of me) i dunno cant guess
Nav: dukkar guess!
me: no i cant guess
( i had already guessed by now)
Nav: if u dont speak to someoene fr many days, that doesn mean u shud forget their voice!
me: ofcourse i forgot ur voice... don blame me
(tat was an attempt at self defense).
Nav: bol kaun main?
me: tere dukkar se pata chal gaya mujhe.
nav: (laughs)
me: wher are u?
nav: m in punjab?
me: wat are u doin over ther? u not answering exams?
nav:no m at the airport actually.
me: wat? kyon?
(for a moment i thot she d got a block i dinno abt, so i was a bit apprehensive abt tat kyon.. bt it came out nevertheless)
me: waiting fr Mr. america
( a fictitious guy she s supposed to wait fr at the airport, with a garland in her hand)
Nav: no.. m really at the airport ( i assume she is comin bac to goa, but its unusual fr her, cos she usually travels by train)
nav: sun m going to new zealand
me: for wat?
nav: with family, we are settling over ther!
(i hate the networks, cos the line was too noisy)
me: why? why suddenly?
nav: we are jus goin, don ask me why... ask adi n sagar
me: n ur telling me now? idiot cudn tel befor leavin
nav: dont get angry,
(the last thing she shud hav expected frm me )
nav: it all happened too fast
(ya like overnite.. u were jus transported frm ur too the airport)
me: but wat u wil do ther?
nav: i dunno
me: are u getting married?
nav: NOoo
me: then wat u wil do? tel me seriously are u gettin married?
(i din want to believ wat she was sayin)
nav: nahi
me: m sure ur gettin married. if not wat u r gonna do over ther? u will hav to start all over again.
nav: i dunno dont ask me all tat, i wont get married fr 5 years
me: mazaak chod yar, tel me wher u are?
(one last try at beating reality :( ...)
nav: i m really going
(by now i had made sense of the commotion behind as the airport, the flight announcements, n busy voices)
me: i dont believe u. giv the phone to someone else. dad, mom, bro, sis
nav: dads on phone, moms smwer!
me: i dont believe u
nav: listen i hav to go now, i wil come back after some 2 -3 years
me: for wat? (rather sarcastically)
nav: to meet u all
me: but...
me: take care. bye!
they say goodbyes shud b short.. i love to stretch those moments. i dunno if i wil ever meet her, bone n bone again (shes been more bone less flesh)
it sounded like a hurried act to me.. leavin so fast, but then her parents must have thought of something.
it felt like a part of me was being strewn to the other side of the universe.
all due respect to the net, the phone, n all other forms of communication, i stil doubt if we will ever b in touch.
its not abt how close u were, or are, its abt how life displaces u, n even though u myt come bac some day, to the point wher u started, the displacement wil be much more than u can gauge!
n as days pass, n i see more n more of my people travelling out of sight, the desire to keep the status quo reaches new heights.
like a bird being trapped in a cage, flutters towards the exit one last time, before accepting defeat.
(ma last try at outwitting life, before it traps me in my own reality)
it cant handle being at one place fr long hours.....
wish exams werent this dread tat they are! by the end of prep vacs, i hardly remember y i started studin in the first place.
i fill my day wit hour long refreshment breaks! (this is one of them.. no marks fr guessing tat). wonder who started this whole examination thing.. reward n penalty crap system! wud we hav not worked, or studied, or pursued things if there were no marks for what we did?
like if i wanna read up something, i dont actually bother if m gettin marks for it, people pursue their interests, things tat they like to do wit joy! (unlike me who is presently tryin to search a convinvcing answer fr ma ever-questioning brain)
yeah m here by ma choice n al.. bt stil i don want exams! i d read up abt radars if it interested me.. i don need exams fr it.. n id remember tat stuff much better, if i hadn to bother abt scoring!!
guess this studin thing is gettin to ma head!
i got a cal yesterday from one of ma dearest frens... she left fr NZ (FOREVER). i was shocked, choked, angry, sad, worried all at the same time!
the conversation went this way..
Nav: heylo, may i speak to nishi?
me: yes who is this?
( i din recognise the number, nor the voice)
Nav: i jus wanted to confirm if this is nishi's number!
me: ok but who is this?
Nav: guess?
me: (i stare at the radar notes infron of me) i dunno cant guess
Nav: dukkar guess!
me: no i cant guess
( i had already guessed by now)
Nav: if u dont speak to someoene fr many days, that doesn mean u shud forget their voice!
me: ofcourse i forgot ur voice... don blame me
(tat was an attempt at self defense).
Nav: bol kaun main?
me: tere dukkar se pata chal gaya mujhe.
nav: (laughs)
me: wher are u?
nav: m in punjab?
me: wat are u doin over ther? u not answering exams?
nav:no m at the airport actually.
me: wat? kyon?
(for a moment i thot she d got a block i dinno abt, so i was a bit apprehensive abt tat kyon.. bt it came out nevertheless)
me: waiting fr Mr. america
( a fictitious guy she s supposed to wait fr at the airport, with a garland in her hand)
Nav: no.. m really at the airport ( i assume she is comin bac to goa, but its unusual fr her, cos she usually travels by train)
nav: sun m going to new zealand
me: for wat?
nav: with family, we are settling over ther!
(i hate the networks, cos the line was too noisy)
me: why? why suddenly?
nav: we are jus goin, don ask me why... ask adi n sagar
me: n ur telling me now? idiot cudn tel befor leavin
nav: dont get angry,
(the last thing she shud hav expected frm me )
nav: it all happened too fast
(ya like overnite.. u were jus transported frm ur too the airport)
me: but wat u wil do ther?
nav: i dunno
me: are u getting married?
nav: NOoo
me: then wat u wil do? tel me seriously are u gettin married?
(i din want to believ wat she was sayin)
nav: nahi
me: m sure ur gettin married. if not wat u r gonna do over ther? u will hav to start all over again.
nav: i dunno dont ask me all tat, i wont get married fr 5 years
me: mazaak chod yar, tel me wher u are?
(one last try at beating reality :( ...)
nav: i m really going
(by now i had made sense of the commotion behind as the airport, the flight announcements, n busy voices)
me: i dont believe u. giv the phone to someone else. dad, mom, bro, sis
nav: dads on phone, moms smwer!
me: i dont believe u
nav: listen i hav to go now, i wil come back after some 2 -3 years
me: for wat? (rather sarcastically)
nav: to meet u all
me: but...
me: take care. bye!
they say goodbyes shud b short.. i love to stretch those moments. i dunno if i wil ever meet her, bone n bone again (shes been more bone less flesh)
it sounded like a hurried act to me.. leavin so fast, but then her parents must have thought of something.
it felt like a part of me was being strewn to the other side of the universe.
all due respect to the net, the phone, n all other forms of communication, i stil doubt if we will ever b in touch.
its not abt how close u were, or are, its abt how life displaces u, n even though u myt come bac some day, to the point wher u started, the displacement wil be much more than u can gauge!
n as days pass, n i see more n more of my people travelling out of sight, the desire to keep the status quo reaches new heights.
like a bird being trapped in a cage, flutters towards the exit one last time, before accepting defeat.
(ma last try at outwitting life, before it traps me in my own reality)
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